Welcome to the odor was Walter podcast. With your hosts. The cold foods and squishy. The share their knowledge, stories, and wisdom, having. Lived. Wildly different lives. On this great adventure we call life. There's no point in getting older. If you don't also get a little wiser. And. Wilder. So when you finally realize that it's none of your business, what anyone else thinks of you. You feel liberated? To live your life, your own way. Beyond the identities you may have created for yourself. On the journey from survival to thrive. Approval seeking and people pleasing to finding your own. Unique centric way. Each week, we'll pick a topic and to have a conversation. Central to each conversation is the question. Can you let it be easy? On the journey to becoming your gracious house. This podcast is sponsored by being creation. And ambition tutors. Listen to the end for a discount code. Just for you. Oh, w w. Thank you for being here. And today we're going to talk about. Sex. We'll cover everything from. Technique. To play. To moon centers to tantra. How the feminine is. The weather and the masculine is the landscape and the feminine shapes. The landscape. Why there's so much less sex and sexless relationships. And the younger generation don't want us as much. There's lots to discuss at this. And great stories. And joy. Hello there. How are you? I'm kind of tired. Yeah? But I'm good. It's early though. No, it's not. It's 9. 40. It's well into the day. So, yeah, I don't really have an excuse to be tired. Your hair's straight. I know since I've got a fringe, you can't let it, you have to, you have to actually, tame it when you, when you wash it. Yeah. And you can see how untamed it is. Even then I like it. when I come out of the hairdresser, they do it properly. Like as in, you know, they do it with body so it flows and it's got sort of all sorts of, gunk in it. Of course. And my mother and my father and my entire family would say to me, you should do that more often. Right. I love that. You're like, once in a while, when I used to get my hair blown out, like I had my color done, sometimes I'd have them blow my hair up. Like when the kids were in elementary school. So some dad said to me, Oh, you should wear your hair that way. And I was like, yeah, take a picture. Cause it's not happening. I'm not doing this. It's so much work. It's so curious though, because Ronnie, My brother's, wife has the most extraordinarily beautiful hair like yours. It's just gorgeous and that's what it naturally is. Once you get her hair cut, she come home with her hair like this. And I think it was one of the boys just didn't recognize her. Exactly. My own children would recognize me. And well, that kind of says you're not at your essence, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. I mean, to me it was just kind of fun for a day to, have this completely different look. But I never learned how to blow dry. I could never, no idea. Have I? I do use the diffuser. So I do dry it with a hairdryer at a certain point. I need to get some height and volume and all that sort of thing. The diffuser keeps the curl from being blown out. But like the whole thing with the round brush how can you do that without three arms? I never figured it out. Well, as you can see, you can't, I can't. And, it's so curious because, use a diffuser a lot because It's just easier for me to hold my hair curly. I mean, we've talked about hair a lot, because like, I don't have the time, the interest or the energy for to even consider it, to be honest. And, yeah I just don't have the interest in it. And I do look at some people and they're just naturally beautifully groomed. My ex fiance, God, that sounds such a ridiculous thing to say, but he could go into the ocean and come out, just flick his hair and it just landed perfectly. And I said my God, I'm so jealous. And he'd say, Oh, that's one of the first things I loved about you was your hair. And you know, how my father, had this constant thing where he'd go, you look like a million dollars. Oh, when was the last time you combed your hair? Oh, that's so funny. Just on the thing of hair and I forgot to do it this time, but if you want your hair to grow, cut it at the full moon. Really? Oh, that's interesting. Listeners might really want to know that. Yeah, absolutely. Wow. I really almost never cut my hair, but if I do, I will remember that. So this morning I want to talk about Sex. Oh, yes. Okay. I want to talk and we cannot talk about it if you don't want to, but I want to talk about how do you teach men to be good lovers? Brilliant conversation because you've been with the same man for more than 30 something years and my longest relationship was Seven years. And even in seven years, there was times when we had lots of sex and there was times when we didn't have lots of sex. And want to preface this conversation with that. If at this point in our lives, men have only learned how to put a stick in a hole, seriously. I know, I know. Come on, y'all. Even now your eyesight is failing. Right, exactly. There are the other thing I want to preface this with is that men are the landscape. You know, they're static. The masculine is, let me say that. So I don't offend anyone. The masculine is the landscape and the landscape is shaped by the weather. It's shaped by the feminine. The feminine is this dynamic energy. It's constantly changing. Like what's good today may not be good tomorrow. You know, there's times when you just want to go and have like, the wildest. raunchiest sex you can have. And then the next day you just want to be stroked and hugged. The next day you want to be touched in other parts of your body. But it's an interesting thing and I don't want to get into, um, I'm not sure. I don't know if I can avoid getting into stereotypes. So I'm going to apologize to everyone up front. Well, you know, they didn't get to be stereotypes because they don't exist, right? Yeah. I mean, I have shagged internationally. Let's just say that. Oh, all right. I don't know that I can say that. I'm going to start with a very funny story of one time I had this amazing, and I mean, I've had one night stands. I haven't had, I mean, I probably have had a lot in comparison to you. Oh, I don't know, as well as they say meaningful overnight. Relationship. Oh, haven't heard that one, but okay. But one time in Barcelona, I went to, oh my God, it was the most amazing evening. So I was there on my own and I decided to look and see what was on performance wise. So I went to. Estrella Morente, who, if you ever get the opportunity, she's a flamenco singer and like flamenco singing would not have been something that I would have thought to go to. But I read this, that you brought the house down at the Barbican in London the week earlier. So I booked it. It was at a theater that I didn't know, and this is a long preface into the kind of the, the sex conversation, and I arrived and it's the Palau and it's the architect is Montaner, who is a Catalan architect. And It was like, you know, the way, as soon as you walk into beauty or when I walk into beauty, like my whole body response, you know, it just kind of like, Oh my God, you know, like I was just like, Oh my God, I'm in love. It's this extraordinary building where every pillar is. is tile, but it's different tile. And you walk in and there's, obviously the foyer and then went into this bar, which was just, you know, probably three or four ceiling heights, you know, just with a bar in the center of it. And it rang with that, European chatter, which is unlike any other chatter where everyone is talking at once and they're having tapa and wine and I'm going to go like, you know, so happy, so happy. And then you go up the staircase, right? And you're winding up the staircase. And because I booked like only an hour before I was pretty high up in the gods. But what was amazing was it was the best place because you got this whole view of the entire theater. There was glass walls which gardens painted on the walls. From one side of the stage to the other, there was a chariot chasing whatever it was happening over at the other side. There was Japanese geishas, like all of the pillars were wound around by flowers. Like I was going like, I don't want it to start, I just have to keep on looking. And then, and then to top it all, this really. Beautiful looking man started walking up about three seats in front of me and I thought is my date for the evening. Wow. So the performance was amazing. And then halfway through the intermission, this guy left, and I thought, oh damn, here goes my drink for the evening. So anyway, have I mentioned that I'm Aries? So we, so after the performance was ended, and the Spanish are great, like there's They cannot be contained, they tell her what numbers they want her to sing and they're, you know, mass, mass, mass. Like it's just, you know, it's just one of those gorgeous experiences. So anyway, I go down and I think, Oh, I don't want to leave this building yet. It's so beautiful. So I went and had a glass of cava in the bar and who's standing right next to. Where I was about to order my drink, but my date, so, and I had a rapture about the building. So we start chatting, of course. And, and I was saying, Oh my God, it's just so beautiful. And he'd left because he decided to go down and get a better seat, you know, just to take another seat when he was in America. And he said, Oh, if you think this is really cool, let me take you someplace really cool. And I'm like, that's an offer I can't refuse. Yeah. So, he brought me to this bar, which was opposite the Picasso Museum and you have to knock for to gain entry into. They owner of this bar a friend of mine when I lived in Barcelona years later. But, um, so anyway, you knock and go in and it's just, it's like an old bodega, you know, cavernous, um, Rooms and there's, you know, there's, what is it called a taxidermy? There's all these stuffed animals, you know, it's kind of super Baroque in the way that it's decorated, like a super over the top. There's somebody singing opera, you know, it's like, could this evening get any better? Yeah. So I did have to shag him. And he was super disappointed. But anyway, that's not the point. But as he's leaving, you know, the way there's moments in your life and you think, Oh, I just got the line. And he said, Oh, hand on door. And he turns back to me and he said, Oh, and he was going to Italy. So we arranged to and. Hand on door, he turns back and he said, Oh, you're the first, Irish girl I've ever slept with. And I said to him, I said, Oh my God, he should have said something. If I knew I was representing my country, I said, I'd have really gone first. my God, that's hilarious. Did he laugh? What? He laughed. No, I think he was shocked. Really? I was laughing. That is so hilarious. Yeah. Oh, my God. Certain arrogance in that statement, but okay. In his statement, I mean. Oh, no, I thought it was a completely, um. Ridiculous statement out of him, but it was a, it was an equally ridiculous statement out of me. But I did feel like that. I just kind of his is right. Right. Right. Exactly. So, which brings us to lovers and I think it brings you to belief system and people are taught, which brings you to comfort. I mean, it's obviously a super layered topic in terms of, your relationship with your own body, your relationship with your lover's body, whatever gender that happens to be. Knowledge comes into it, I think, I think belief systems come into it. I think, um, when you're young, probably your mother's voice comes into it and your father's voice comes into it. And you're either, yeah, it's, it's such an interesting topic and it constantly amazes me how it's still a relatively taboo topic. Yeah, it is. It definitely is. It's really interesting. You know, there's certain women that, you know, yeah, what am I trying to say? 10 things at once. Certain women are more open to talking about it than others. You know, I definitely have the impression that there's I couldn't tell you what percentage, but a significant percentage of people I know who are not even having sex and they're married and I'd go with, um, 80%, 80, seriously. I think it is super high. I think it's much higher. And I think if they are having sex, it's kind of, obligation sex every so often. I'm single, and I'm much fussier about, who I have sex with. Because when in yoga, basically you're taught, whether it's true or not, but I do think there is some truth in this, that for a woman, Any man who you have sex with, and this nature and biology and, maintaining relationship it's not a moral thing, but they leave an imprint on you. So it's an energetic imprint. And for men, that energetic imprint lands until the next moon cycle. But for women, it stays, I'm sure you can clear that imprint energetically. There's no question. I mean, I've certainly cleared. Relationship energy But one of the things that I'm really clear on now is the importance of courtship and the importance of, getting to know somebody. Because I do think that if you have sex with somebody too early, that creates this false intimacy. Yeah. I agree. You know, and it's like, it's not an intimacy that you've earned, like you can only earn intimacy in my belief, through shared experience. And generally that comes from time, so you're building an intimacy bank essentially through kind of discovery, through observation, spending time, listening, through talking, seeing people in different contexts, different environments. different situations. And then I think it comes to back to that thing of, of technique, you know, cause men used to be initiated, by being brought to a prostitute or they were initiated through ceremonies with other men and, you know, and, and taught. Um, I don't know a great deal on that and women were as well, and women are liberated now they can choose or not choose, but we are nature. We are biology. And I do think that in the bedroom, there needs to be a real respect for that biology and, and men, you know, going back to that concept of. Of the weather of being static, you know, if you tell them, Oh, I really like that. You might get it every day for yeah. Right. Exactly. So. So my experience is that a lot of men and, I'm going to preface this with, I say, and I've spent more time in Australia than I have anywhere else recently. And I have only dated about, I think I've only dated two Australian men and the entire time I've been here. But they lack imagination. Hmm. Okay. It's not a gentle, kind way of saying it, whereas, like I was married to a Spanish man, it still sounds as, consistently the best sex I've ever had. If you're listening, Carlos. Wherever you may be, Carlos, do you ever talk to him? You know that you won that round and all the rounds I can't imagine that. That wouldn't put a big smile on his face. Wherever he is. I can assure you. It would put a smile in more places than his face. I love that. Well, have you had conversations with any of the women you know about, about the Australian men lacking imagination? Yeah. Yeah. And it's, yeah. Yeah. And it's a stick in a hole. Yeah, that's interesting. I wonder what that's about. You know, maybe the sun was beating on their back so hard and they thought, I'm up for serious cancer here. Skin cancer. Wow. Yeah. No, I wonder that's fascinating. And because in a certain sense, I feel like it's like anything else, where there's, intimation of. Tell me what you like, or tell me, if I'm doing this in a way you don't like, whatever it is, but, Communication. Yeah, but do they really want to know, you still have to tread very carefully, I think, in terms of, Well, biology wise, men want to get their rocks off. Right. You know, and, and men I think needs, you know, intercourse more regularly than women, and I don't think we can stereotype this. I think that, if we bring it back to astrology, you know, depending on where Venus is in your chart, depending on where Leo is in your chart, where your moon is in your chart, you know, your moon is your conditioned self. It's your, you know, your emotional fulfillment, I have a Scorpio moon. I'm going to be more sexual, you know, and more, curious than others, right? You know, you're a Scorpio sun. That's going to happen. If you're Aries, you're going to want to go for your desire, you know, if you've got strong Leo, you want to play, you want romance, you know, it's where love affairs happen. It's where the initiation process happens. And it's another great reason for to know your astrology to know your conditioning and human design because astrology will show you in a way the face and then human design will show you how to use that energy and how to move with that energy. But coming back to it, I suppose what fascinates me is. We're in 2023, I grew up Catholic, you weren't supposed to have sex till you got married, all of those things we've moved so far beyond that. But, I've had conversations with girlfriends and we say, Oh my God, you know, are people really having such boring sex and no wonder. And you wouldn't want to keep on having it if it's boring. Yeah. Pardoning all the puns of the words that I happen to be choosing. Right. Why would you want to keep doing that? But it's the same and women need variety. Absolutely. Absolutely. And romance, I think, and there'll be times when you need romance, and again, variety, you want to be approached in so many different ways. Definitely. I can't remember, but in Kundalini yoga, there's a whole app on, moon centers. And I think that we have something like, 11 moon centers. And once you establish where your moon centers are. Then it pretty much doesn't change. It might change if you have a child or something, and it's hard to track cause it's kind of every two and a half or three days if your moon center is your neck, that's when you're, you're right for a really sensual, beautiful sex. And also we have so many erogenous zones and men have. You know, just one, so I suppose what I wanted to talk about was for to kind of bring it into a frame of asking, how do you keep sex interesting? How do you communicate what you want, need and desire? How do you broach the subject in a tender way? Because Well, That's certainly whoever is the masculine and if somebody's adopting that masculine energy, you know, that you don't want to wound, it's an ongoing conversation. And I think sex is a conversation that you're having in the kitchen at, you know, as much as you're having it in the bedroom. Right now, that's true. Yeah, it's a challenge to keep it interesting. After many years, and there's a lot of there's a lot of, components to it that, you know, components that come into it of just, you know. That aspect of being in a long term loving relationship and knowing each other so well. And just the deep connection that that hopefully brings, Which sex would be part of it, I imagine. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And, Garson is a very sensual person, like, touch is very important to him. And so that's something I try to keep in mind, like, like he loves. Having just the back of his neck stroked so sometimes, for driving and I'll just, it's not even sexual so much as just like, it just makes him purr, you know, he just likes it so much. And, it's funny. He was just talking about. Remembering his grandmother, rubbing his back or no, his mother rubbing his back before he went to sleep and his grandmother rubbing his feet. And, these, these sort of very tactile memories and all of that. I think it's important to just really make. Time for that. To make it a priority and, all right, well, this is our time and, it's not to say that, and I can speak mostly for myself, but that I, it's not to say that we don't have spontaneity because we do, but we also have Sunday mornings is, is our time and it's like, it's relaxed and it's, um, Yeah. Um, you know, I try not to make plans on Sunday mornings cause I like to, it's not even that I sleep late, really, but I like to take my time reading the paper and this and that. And, um. Ease into the day. Yeah, exactly. Cause I don't like making love on a full stomach. I don't, a lot of times I'm too tired at night, you know, blah, blah, blah. There's these things. Oh, valid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, we definitely hold that place dear of having that connection with each other. And it's interesting because it's something, it's something that's so deeply respectful and yet, it's something that people, I mean, I even notice, there's a shyness to share that, okay, we schedule it, and a shyness, you know, of course the spontaneity, which is wonderful, but there's a shyness to say, okay, we're making this a priority, and it's so. I think it's so important in relationship because if you're not creating that, if you're not creating that intimacy, then it becomes transactional and there's so much a life that's transactional anyway, and particularly if you've got kids and you've got a business and, you know, you've got cars to register and the whole nine yards, And so how do you bring it back to where, there's the Japa and the Tapa? And, at the very early stages of a relationship, you have plenty of the, fire, because there's the curiosity, there's the, the already always knowing hasn't stepped in, and Japa is the repetition, you know, but if the repetition for a woman is always the same. You know, she's going like, Oh, here we go again. I, you know, it's like seeing the same play again and again and again. And again, coming back to it like this, there's a lot of women who don't, orgasm, from intercourse and men will almost always orgasm from intercourse. And, I've studied Tantra and there's that semen retention, which is important for women as well as men people talk about it, you know, there's all this conversation, all this half arsed information out there, but it's about the Ojas you're maintaining, you're holding the Ojas in your body and you're circulating them like a Kundalini energy, which is really good for your brain. Like it's a protein and, you know, like the French colors left. The pity more, which is that every time you ejaculate, you're letting go of that vitality, the strength. It's why no sex before, a championship football game or before they go to, um, I won't say before you go to war. You might have it just before you go to war, but you certainly won't be having it the night before the big battle, it's, it's keeping that energy within you and recirculating that energy. But if we're not creating, and I suppose my question is, is, you know, within a loving life, Within a long term loving relationship, I imagine, you've gone through everything, every embarrassing moment possible, whereas when you're in a new relationship, it's necessary to communicate, and to communicate peace. And, these are my boundaries. This is how I will feel. And it's not safe in terms just the physical safety, but it is in terms of that emotional safety, which I think is a, such an important aspect for not just the woman actually, but for the man as well, and what Tantra, you know, for, for the sake of the conversation to clear it up Tantra is. It's a weaving of energies. It's the weaving of the masculine and the feminine energy. And we all have masculine and feminine within us. And men have about, you know, 60% masculine, 40%. And obviously that's a loose rule because, it changes. And also it changes. Depending on what's happening in the cosmos and but it's a weaving of energy and you know, and I practice tantra. And tantra is about really being in the space and connecting with somebody and maintaining that connection within that sacred container that you've created. And. There's so many myths and folklore about Tantra, but in my experience of practicing it, it truly is about being fully present and surrendering. And so you just allow, you allow your bodies to communicate. And so it's no longer what I call performative. Cause I think a lot of sex can be performative, even if you're doing it for 20 years, there can be a lot of, you show up and, you know, there's a dance that happens and it's almost. A dance that, you know, and particularly if you're not communicating to the man, okay, well today, this is how I'm feeling today. I just want to be stroked today. I, don't want penetration today. I want this, I want that. And, and I'm bold, but I still find it difficult for it to communicate that in a way that I feel like that is because I'm very aware of being compassionate about it. I'm very aware that if my needs aren't met, then I'm not fully in it. And it's also, yeah, so it's around, it's invitational, but it is, I mean, Tantra really is around like, just being there and just allowing it and, and allowing to, your bodies to connect in a way and I've had some really slow sex with this and I've had some really, you know, Wild sex, you know, cause you see, you find that you go somewhere that you weren't expecting to go all of those things. And I think that's where connected sex and where deep intimacy actually occurs. Oh, absolutely. I mean, it's wonderful when something unexpected happens, but you're right. Sometimes, you really have to. Consciously say, I am focusing on, I am making,, I'm consciously going to be present in this, cause you can go, Oh yeah, but then later today I have to do the, you know, whatever. It's easy to do that, but it's a choice to not do it and just go, all right, no, I'm going to take this amount of time with. And and just for the sake of, who may be listening to this, like, if you want to create a sacred container, it's around, okay. Do you create the space with candles? Do you just create cushions? You know, do you set up your space in a way that you're intentional about it? Or, and you don't have to do any of that. You can just putting a container in terms of time saying, I actually, you know, I have a golf game too. So I need to leave at one 30 or whatever are, and the entry into the space, which is, you know, I need to tell you that this is what's going on. I mean, particularly for women, like, you know, words are so important. Yeah. And I'm really stressed about this because you need to get that out of your body before you can be in the space of surrender. Because if you're in the space of worrying about, Oh my God, have I paid that bill? Or I make that phone call? You know, you're not going to be able to be in it and, you know, and men, for the masculine, it's so great for them to receive. Like, I always say that, men need clear direction, you know, and they love it, the concept, and this is true for men for themselves, like they need to drop into their feminine for, to get clear on what the dynamic is and get clear on what it is that you want to achieve in a day. I'm actually just on an Instagram post on this, like you start before you start. You know, if we stopped before we did any task and checked in with our energy, and we check in with, well, what's my clear intention here? It takes no more than a minute, maybe even 30 seconds. And so center yourself. Set a timer, 30 minutes, one hour, what am I going to focus on now? And, be smart enough, and this goes for everything in your life is including sex, have whatever tools that you need for that task nearby. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Or, you know, or lack thereof, you know, leave the phone in the other room or whatever it is, great point. So what you're doing is, is you're building space for connection. For integrity. You're building space for honesty and for mutual exchange and beauty. Yeah, it's absolutely true. So, it's so interesting to me to hear, about couples who don't have sex. It's always interesting to me to think about and I don't mean to be judgmental How did they get there? I think more often than not, it's the woman who's just like, I'm done, don't want to do it anymore. Um, France, they talk about as soon as the children are arrived that they close the shop. I'm not for a moment saying that just happens in France or that happens. More often in France but, you know, and maybe it's, you know, my mother always says to me, Oh, you're too picky or too picky when I go, well, it's. It's one of those areas of life that I think you should be really picky about is because, men want somebody who's going to be their advocate and have their back. Women want somebody who they feel secure with and who will take care of their children, certainly when they're younger. As an older woman, I want a partner who's financially responsible. There's no doubt about it. But biologically women are driven to look for, the best looking guy who's intelligent, who's, smart, responsible and all of those things. I had a conversation with a guy recently, and he was saying that with the apps, all the women are going for that top 10%. And he said. There's a lot of men who have given up because they're just not getting any. Oh, interesting. And this would be in the age group that, Sydney's in, it brings to mind for me, sorry, I'm doing most of the talking today and probably always, and it brings to mind that simple mind. With, Oh my God, he's the Australian actor, Russell. Russell Crowe, and it was a mathematical thing, and where he, when he went for the woman who was less attractive, then it opened up the pool for all, because he was the attractive guy in that movie. And if he always went for the attractive one, then nobody won. when he went for the woman who was less attractive, then the whole algorithm changed. Right, right, exactly. But I mean. And it's curious that, cause women biologically, go for the strongest, fittest, they go for, whatever is attracted to them. And that's true. But at the same time, some of the men I've been the most attracted to in my life were not necessarily good looking, I can think of two guys I was involved with who were like, Yeah, but they were funny as hell, like drop dead hilarious. And that to me, you know, I love to laugh. That to me is so sexy and you know, just that not, not only funny, but like witty, like. You're on it kind of thing. And I love like, I mean, I think I choose men on the basis of I'm definitely a Sapphire file. There's no doubt that I choose them based on what I call their mental dexterity, If they don't get my humor, they're gone. Oh yeah. like I don't care how good looking you are. And, I would say their looks isn't my criteria for choosing men, even though a friend of mine did one say I've never seen with someone unattractive. They're attractive to me and they've got to be attractive to you, you know, I mean, that's so important. Yeah. It doesn't have to be technically good looking. And so when you say there's this percentage of men on the apps who are just not necessarily that good looking, who are, that's just sad to me, there's a friend of mine who I have a dialogue with and she's, really wants to, find a partner she's, in her early forties and she'd still like to have children. And we talk about, who's a partner material as opposed to, who's shag. Material and I keep on coming back to this, but a lot of people, and I think that there's a real business in this, people don't know how to present themselves. I almost did an Instagram live on this last week, because, my work is in branding and, branding is your reputation professionally. It's your reputation and the reputation of your business, right? It's the reputation of who you are, your credibility, your authority, your energy, how you show up. But these days we're showing up on apps, we're showing up on Facebook, we're showing up on Instagram, we're showing up in lots of different places. We're constantly leaving clues and even if you think, even if you're not active on social media, you are leaving clues wherever you go, how you behave when you order your coffee, how you behave when someone cuts you off in traffic, this constant clues. And, and so what I see with a lot of men, I went off the apps for ages and then I went on them for a month when I was in Sydney. And I thought, Oh my God, you have no clue how to present yourselves. And if you don't know how to present yourself, It shows a lack of self worth. Self esteem, which is your second house. Um, and it shows a truncated or a fragile relationship with Venus and we are in a Venus retrograde. So this is the perfect time to be talking about this, which is Venus is the goddess of sex, love and money. And all of those things are really interconnected and, I've had two times in my life where I've really cultivated a strong relationship with Venus. One was in Majorca a number of years ago, I was doing this Kriya called Make Yourself Enchantingly Beautiful and making, keeping the body beautiful. And it's a tough creos, but I did them for three months and within that three months, the relationship with my body really changed, you know, and I've always had the story about my arse being too fat or, you know, I'm carrying a couple of kilos which we spoke about last week. And then last year for my birth, my brother bought me a Venus Gong and I have a beautiful Venus. painting here. Like none of this is my furniture. But it happened to be here. And Friday is also Venus's time. So what I'm doing is I'm giving you tips to work with Venus. And I would say this for men as much as for women to cultivate a relationship with the gods, find where Venus is in your chart. And, on Fridays, there's a spell. To bring love in as much for men as for women, green is Venus's color, and copper is the metal, it's working with that energy because, if you're not comfortable in your own body, then somebody else Isn't comfortable with your body and if you're self deprecating a man has chosen you because he thinks you're sexy and beautiful, what you're doing is, is you're creating distrust within the relationship, it's like you're showing somebody, look at all my flaws, look at all of my insecurities. Oh, you know, right. You don't have to teach your family that. And, if you're with somebody long enough, they'll know. Right. Exactly. Can't fight it forever. Yeah. Yeah. It's really interesting. So just going back to what I was saying of like, how, how does the sexless relationship become a sexless relationship? You know, obviously it can be a combination of any number of things, but, is the man, is it. The man having lack of technique. Is it that he's not making his wife feel sexy? Is it that the wife has quote unquote, let herself go and has gained a lot of weight and he's not attracted to her anymore? So many things. All of those things though, you're saying are, is it that he, and in a sense saying, has she done, is she not open to it? Is she not this? I mean, I think that very often that men give up as well, it goes against popular opinion, but I think that men give up number one, if they're rejected. Number two, if they're feeling really stressed. Number three, if they're not doing well in their careers, you know, so there's a lot of reasons that men don't feel. worthy and we're talking, heterosexual situation. So I think it is a conversation of touch in and out of the bedroom. I think there is a conversation of, play. I think there's a conversation of fun. I do believe that men fluff their feathers. Gilgit Bashen says, if a woman can hold her hands in her lap for a few minutes every day. And see that she is so vast that she contains the entire universe, then she'll never have a problem in her life. And, I've certainly been guilty of this, of not realizing my own power. And I think that if you don't realize your own power, you can either push too hard, or not push hard enough. And so everything comes back, to that self regulation self love and self respect, and in the bedroom, asking the man for, okay, so what do you like, This is what I like, you know, and it's what I like today. It's what I like right now. Tomorrow I want it differently. I'm being really clear about that. And as I said, you know, setting the stage before you enter into the sexual act where you, you allow yourself to come into your body where you feel super supported and secure and even in a new relationship. You know, allow yourself to feel that kind of physical intimacy. Men love to hold women. They love to, they love to be physically close. Like as you say, to be touched on all of those things, without like close on, close on can be a great prelude to close off, And it's good for to not always get your clothes off. And I've certainly had sex with men way too soon. And I often joke that, if I knew them better, I would never have had sex with them. Yeah, absolutely. But I mean, this stage of life, you know, in the getting to know each other, how lovely to. To wait and have that anticipation and, set the stage ideally, you know, that's sort of a lovely thing, but I don't think that does that change in a marriage isn't, there's moments of anticipation and there's kind of, and I would say, Oh, you want to promise, there's moments of, Play, cause I, I would say we might put on some music, but I would say that it's rare, um, you know, to really do the whole, Campbell's and whatever, it's a lovely thought, it's so central to both of us. That's kind of enough really, that I have my new bathroom and bathtub, that could change. Oh, well, there'll definitely have to be a few, full moon bath and yes, there has to be a celebration and, uh, a what, what is it? A baptism of the New Bath. Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's an interesting thing, isn't it, because it's such a, it's a topic that I find that some people are really curious about sex and other people aren't. Yeah. It is really interesting, but like some people just aren't I think my sex drive is decreased. It's far from gone, but it's decreased. I think in this part of my life, but, you know, I guess what I'm trying to say, is it actual non interest? Is it fear? Is it, you know, insecure? I mean, there's a, variety of things that could be contributing to the perceived non interest, There's no doubt there would be a variety of things that would contribute to that. But the reality, is, what are you prioritizing, we all prioritize different things at different times, and I think some people are more sexually kind of driven beings than others. There's no doubt in the world about that. I'm just looking at your chart here and you've got, Sun and Mars in Scorpio, you've got Neptune right there. So, dissolving and merging is just kind of completely normal and natural and desirable for you. Venus and Pluto and Virgo. It's what? I've got Venus and Pluto and Virgo. You do, you do. Virgo is the sign of kind of analysis and it can be critical, in yours. It's in your sixth house. So it's in the daily do. So you need beauty in your daily do and you need, you know, that sensuality and sexuality that's an interesting, connection because they don't always go together, but actually they feed each other. That makes sense. Yeah, that is really important to me. And just, I'm just really trying to feel into the consciousness of how am I feeling? And, you know, as we've discussed quite a bit, you know, giving myself the gift of time in the morning. So start my day in a way that feels You know, nurturing and supportive and, and all of that, makes a big difference. So well, the question was, is there any kind of, you know, top tips for to nurture and, you know, keep that conversation going. So it's juicy and fun and playful and yeah, I mean, look at all those words. Yeah. Those good words. Um, pay attention. You know, really, really, make a conscious effort to stop all the noise and distraction so that you can really, look into the person's eyes and, you know, hear what they have to say. And not only. Not only hear, but really observe them, you know, like, are they trying to speak to you in other ways? Yeah, and communicate, you know, it's have the take the chance to talk about what you want, and because even though it might be hard for the other person to hear in the short term, if it's a partner worth their, worth their weight, then they're going to want to know what you want and we'll, try to accommodate that for you. And, and I think that's so beautiful. And I think within that, there's also that acknowledging, thank you for being open to having this conversation. I really admire your courage and, open heartedness and open mindedness and, your investment in trying to, see, feel, and hear me. Yeah. And see, feel, and hear us. Right. And all that, all that goes, with that, with, um, to, yeah, to, to be able to listen from a standpoint, if you're hearing something from the other person that is requesting change, that you are in a place of receptivity and, and not defensiveness, you know, defensiveness is a big one that, we've both had to work on and really go, wait, I'm not going to react in that way because it kind of cuts off the conversation, you know, right. Yeah. So that's a big one too, I think. Great. Great place to end. Thank you for your beautiful wisdom. Oh, and you and fun stories and you know, it's an ongoing thing of life. It's fascinating, really, you know, I think. Yeah, and I mean, and it's kind of coming back to that we're nature. Exactly. And we're playful, flirty, grounded. Beings, you know, we're instinctual and we're intuitive and, there's danger in opening up, but on the other side of our comfort zone, you know, there's always. something beautiful, you know, like, I mean, that's the reality of remembering that you as women, you know, you are the, you're the weather, you're shaping the landscape. I mean, I actually, that's something that is so important is that whole thing of that women. Shape the home, they shaped the family, they shape their men, you know, you know, you're very different if you're with a different person. So, you know, whoever you've chosen, and I don't mean this as a command, but it's make it work for you choose, choose to get curious about how to make that work. Absolutely, because well, you have the most beautiful husband, beautiful relationship, and of course he's so lucky to have you. I hope so. Yeah, we're very blessed. Thank you. So thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this conversation, please tell all your friends. And we'd love you to leave a review because that's how the things. Gathering momentum and ignite conversations. Please, please let us know if there's anything you'd like us to talk about. This podcast has been sponsored by being creation and envision by Nicole. Foods. Use the discount code. Oh, WW. P O D. Just for you, older, wiser, and Wilder listeners to get 10% off a power piece with Nicole. Or an Astro session with Eilish. So that's O w w P O D as in owl pod. Thank you for being here. You can find the comb on Instagram as Nicole and foods. And her website is envision by Nicole foods.com. You can find Eilish on Instagram at Eilish bushy. And her website. Eilish. Thank you to AOL. For the beautiful music. This track is called, bridging the gap. And you can find a. On Spotify and also, um, Apple music. Thank you for listening.